Changing Patterns
"I know what I need to do I’m just not doing it.” I hear this so often. We’re intellectually quite evolved and yet we can’t put what we know is necessary into practice - this could be diet, exercise, boundaries, creative work, career steps forward, putting ourselves out there in love, working on our relationships, clearing out clutter…. the list is long.
We follow lots of really good advice, we give lots of really good advice and we can’t quite step into the power of who we are by doing the things we know we have to do to get there. We may even be doing “half” the work. For example we may be working on our mindset but it’s not translating into action or we may be taking really good physical care of ourselves but we’re not taking action in our businesses the way we know we want to.
We tend to beat up on ourselves in these situations with thoughts like - "I’m lazy," "I’m not committed," "I’m irresponsible,” " I’ll never make it"…. etc. What is your version?
You deserve all the compassion in the world. Here is what is actually happening:
You have mixed feelings.
On the one hand you have a dream. A strong positive intention.
And on the other hand you have a pattern - a way of being in the world that is smaller than your dream.
Both are true - you have a dream and a familiar pattern.
The familiar pattern is learned. Usually before we have language. It has to do with the safety we feel in expressing ourselves. Which has to do with the safety the people who raised us felt in expressing themselves.
We took into our bodies a way of expressing ourselves that was less than the fullness of who we are. And until this is healed it’s going to be pretty much impossible to change the pattern.
Because the pattern is about safety. I’m not talking about abuse and trauma although this certainly applies to trauma as well. I’m talking about the social conventions impressed upon us at an early age that in our innocence we interpret as life or death.
Every family has their own version of what it is to be safe. And as children we don’t know what’s actually life and death and what isn’t. So we take on the smallest (small from the adult perspective not the child) pieces of conditioning: “settle down” “mind your manners” “be a good girl” as dictatorial edicts. That’s how our bodies register them.
So now here we are as adults and we are trying to gain energy through physical fitness and another part of us is trying to “settle down”.
Or here we are as adults trying to realize a big dream of success or creative innovation and another part of us is trying “to be a good girl and not bother Mom.”
There’s fear at the root of these subconscious patterns.
This is how human beings are made. We all deserve compassion. You’re not lazy. You’re human.
Here is how to work with patterns:
Remove self-judgment and recognize them for what they are. Patterns. Patterns learned early. Patterns that can be changed.
Unblock your body. This starts with hydration, movement (which can be very gentle) and moves up to changes in diet and deep body work to release stored blockages.
Feel your feelings. As the blocks in the body are released feelings flow. All feelings are natural. We get into trouble when we repress emotions - then we are tense and eventually physically ill. We also get into trouble when we send emotions to others - making external circumstances responsible for our feelings and blaming and criticizing others. Coming into relationship with your feelings and letting them flow is a key component of moving through patterns.
Clear energetic and spiritual blocks.
clearing your space with salt or herbs or incense
visualize yourself in a protected sphere of light
develop your connection to your intuition through intention, ritual, and meditation or prayer
consult a reputable spiritual healer for clearing and restoration of lost power
The stronger and more freely you connect to yourself and spirit the easier you will be able to make choices on behalf of your truest freest self rather than the small self who comes from fear.
5. Increase your sexual energy. Orgasmic energy is the strongest energy we have - it is our connection to the oneness of everything. Sexual energy has been so misused (because of its power) and so repressed that this can take a long time to sort out and heal. Traumas and abuses need to be spoken and we need to reclaim our power. Then our self pleasure becomes a practice of building energy and connecting with our higher selves - the part of ourself that want s to grow and express itself in the world.
With the blocks cleared and your energy high and flowing you will be able to take new action. Action that is out of pattern. Which is by definition change.
Following this framework will give you an experience of shifting your subconscious patterning and will open up a whole new world to you of what is possible. If you can shift this pattern you can shift anything!
What I have shared here is exactly what I address with my clients in my 6-month Empower program that takes self-aware people from “I should _______ but I can’t seem to find the time/energy/prioritization” to “Wow I’m on top of this, look at the results, what’s next?”. I also address self-confidence, connecting to your intuition, and developing your dreams.
I am really proud of my work. I have combined emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual healing to help you create powerful shifts fast.
*Note that this work is not psychotherapy nor is it a substitute for psychotherapy or medical advice. If you are experiencing serious emotional difficulties feel free to contact me for a referral to a psychotherapist.