Asking For What You Need At Work
Y.*, a successful executive, arrived on the Wisdom Circle call looking slightly crazed. I wondered if she had a head cold coming on. She had been doing some deep anger release through the Practice Sessions in Expand and the energy seemed to have lodged in her head and she reported feeling unsettled and agitated.
Y. was two weeks into her journey. In Expand we use a journey model for inner work - each journey lasts two months and is based on an intention. Y's intention was to "release the tension inside."
After setting her intention and embarking on her journey with a ritual she designed herself Y consistently practiced the breath and body techniques in the curriculum. She released tears through breathwork and anger through anger release techniques. Y. also layered on transformational microdosing which increases emotional access and flow as well as insight and presence.
Given her consistent practice and powerful releases, when she arrived on the call with heightened energy I felt sure that more release was imminent. Y. agreed but didn't have any particular "thing" that was impacting her in the moment .
We consulted the Awareness Tool - a 25 question assessment clients complete that supports us in honing in on what is happening for them and how they can best support themselves in the direction of their intention. What stood out was her very low score in the area of asking for what she needs.
As we dug into this she told a story from work where she was working with a male colleague with strong dominating energy. He was inserting himself in places she was meant to be and she did not know how to respond.
The other member of her Expand pod is also a successful business woman and was eager to support her. Together she and I:
(1) confirmed her feelings. She's not crazy. This is so common. There are embedded and encoded ways of relating between men and women particularly in the business world and this dynamic can challenging.
(2) offered key suggestions on how to work with this dynamic rather than fighting it.
By the end of the conversation Y.'s face was shining. She said she felt relaxed, open and ready to take the next step at work. She stepped into the project she was leading and felt light and even humorous about the energy that was trying to "take" it from her. She left with a specific plan but even more importantly she left feeling supported for the powerful and competent professional that she is.
This call highlighted some key aspects that inform how I support people in their growth:
We can't do this alone. We may "know" in our heads that we "need" to speak up for ourselves more but we are living out generations of conditioning in our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and the collective and it can be challenging to speak up for ourselves. Having the confirmation and support of others that the dynamic is real and that shifts are possible makes tangible shifts possible.
Body practices alongside side small group processing of daily life situations are a powerful combination. Y. has been committed to release of both tears and anger through breathwork and anger release. She has consistently practiced these tools over time and over the past two weeks especially. Y. has also layered on transformational microdosing which increases emotional access and flow as well as insight and physical presence. All of these pieces supported her in being ready and able to make the shift in our conversation.
We all have our situations that are challenging. Being able to use those challenges to make specific lasting shifts in our way of being in the world makes use of those challenges - it makes life juicy and meaningful, even in the hard things. This is the difference between a life of growth and a life of frustration.
The tension Y. felt as she began the call was evidence of the power of her practice. The inner tension she was intending to release was showing itself in real time for us to work with. When we get these energies moving our being begins to work more and more generously on our behalf.
Tips for releasing tension around challenging interpersonal situations:
Move and release emotional energy privately. Let yourself feel all the feelings. Repressed emotions cause reactivity and passivity that can be very harmful to relationships. You feeling your feelings is the best thing you can do for yourself and others.
Take care of the body impeccably. Love it up. Listen to it. Attend to it.
Care for your inner child - the one who needs something, is hurt, etc. Often we are looking for an emotional connection or result that the other person just can't give us - that is our inner work.
Share with a trusted friend or therapist and receive their support and wisdom as you navigate these murky waters.
Get really clear on what you need - what agreement or boundary or result are you looking for from the interaction. Be realistic and speak this from a present and grounded place. Stick with your boundary - don't waver - if it is crossed act on your agreed upon consequences.
This work is exactly what I support my clients to do in Expand. I invite you to join us. Expand is a three month alchemical program to transform your current experience into a new chapter in your life.
In Expand you will engage in deep mental, emotional and somatic work in a structured process so that you can fully step into your life in every way you desire. You will also have the opportunity to experience one full microdosing cycle combined with the inner work if you choose.
Expand includes three weekly calls (two recorded so you have the option to attend when it is best for your rhythm and schedule, one live), ongoing community and a structured curriculum delivered via an app that walks you through your inner journey. Read more and apply here. The application is to ensure Expand is a right fit for you right now - upon receiving your application I contact you to set up a call to answer your questions.
*personal details have been changed to protect confidentiality