I Don't Trust Myself
E. inspires confidence immediately. When she speaks you want to listen. She is compassionate and wise...with flair.
And she is in the middle of a profound transition in her life. In the midst of a career change last year she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She is now cancer free and looking to the future.
And financial worries consume her.
"My husband has a good job. He's providing for us. And he is very happy to support me right now."
And yet.... money fear continues to plague her.
In Expand, E. has been focusing on a breathing exercise from our practice sessions that increases life force energy. She has been making it her own and even incorporating it into her work with clients. She has been enjoying it ;-). And in this session the life force energy is ready to rise up and support her in a very concrete way (though none of us know this yet).
We are sitting in a zoom circle for our Weekly Wisdom circle call.
"What if you let him support you?" I ask.
She responds, slowly, "It's gonna backfire."
She continues, speaking straight from her unconscious. "Don't trust.
Don't go there.
I am not to be trusted."
And there we have it. The energy in the circle is palpable. E. is crying. We stay with her. Holding space. Witnessing her tears without interference. Her pod colleague has her hand on her heart - I can see she is as moved as I am.
"I didn't realize I felt that."
And then...after a minute of silence...
"That's not me.
I can create something great out of seemingly nothing."
And immediately the energy lifts and we can feel that she has arrived in a new place.
The old story has dislodged itself. She spoke it in words (rather than living it out unworded as she had been doing), felt the feeling that was underneath, and and within moments her resilience, life force and creativity had stepped forward.
This is how it works. The physical + energetic practices create pathways. Medicine work amplifies these new pathways. And so then when we come to process it in a conversation - if our companions (in this case me and the Expand Wisdom circle pod) - hold space us rather than trying to fix it - we can access new parts of ourselves that weren't able to speak before.
The life force energy was rising in E. and it was ready to shed the old and step into the new.
In fact this has been E's intention for the work. "I live from my essence."
How to make your intention your reality:
Determine an intention that feels electric in your body - that's how you know you've got "the one."
Choose a body practice that connects with that energy - for example E. committed to a practice that builds life force energy because her essence was what she was going for.
Listen to yourself alone or with a therapist or trusted friend - give yourself time to speak your truth and feel what is beneath the pattern you are working with.
Relax and trust. There is nothing to "do" - your being is creating something new. From this place of heightened intuitive connection the next step will be clear. You know you have stepped through into a new place when there is no confusion or inner conflict only clarity.
This confidence will ebb and flow but the essential truth remains. Write it down and contemplate it daily. In E.'s case this would be allowing this statement to land more and more deeply in her body. "I can create something great out of seemingly nothing."
This is what we are here to do in Expand. I invite you to join us. Expand is a three month alchemical program to transform your current experience into a new chapter in your life.
In Expand you will engage in deep mental, emotional and somatic work in a structured process so that you can fully step into your life in every way you desire. You will also have the opportunity to experience one full microdosing cycle combined with the inner work if you choose. Medicine work is optional.
Expand includes three weekly calls (two recorded so you have the option to attend when it is best for your rhythm and schedule, one live), ongoing community and a structured curriculum delivered via an app that walks you through your inner journey. Read more and apply here. The application is to ensure Expand is a right fit for you right now - upon receiving your application I contact you to set up a call to answer your questions.